There will come a time in everybody’s life when they have to face it, they’re bored. One of the main reasons for being bored is that you’re probably skint, or pretty close to it. So, what you need in your life is a cheap thrill to while away the hours, kill some time before you go to bed, wake up and commence the boredom cycle all over. In a similar situation to this, I found myself browsing the Xbox One online store looking for something to break up the tedium that is my life and I stumbled across Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator. At £2.59 it was the exact kind of cheap thrill I thought I was looking for. What I actually got however was nothing short of bizarre and I’m almost ashamed to say I wasted 3 hours on this thing and I can’t exactly tell you how.
The object of the game is pretty simple, hurt your opponent’s pride until they can no longer carry on arguing with you. You do this by selecting component parts of an insult from a board shared between you and your opponent, you then proceed to build an insult to injure your opponent’s pride. The humour in this is hit and miss however and if i’m completely honest, its mostly miss. A computer opponent will tend to put together a sentence that while technically correct i.e. it contains all the relevant parts of an insult, it won’t really make much sense ultimately no matter how much you say it I’m not likely to take offence when you say, “My Math Teacher smells like My Cousin’s Car”. Once you complete the tournament, which I did at the first attempt because this game is criminally easy and unlock some other characters to play with then the fun dries up pretty quickly and you spend most of your time trying to shoe-horn Insults from Monty Python into the arguments you’re having. That in many ways is the most challenging part of the game, some of the listed achievements for the game involve creating specific sentences. Which is a challenge to say the least, but it’s not the good kind. Its complete luck as to whether any of the component parts of the insult actually turn up on the board in the first place so it’s not the kind of challenge you can get good at. It’s the kind of challenge you can’t meet with skill or practice, the kind of challenge that can only be met by playing the game countless times, and it gets pretty repetitive pretty quickly so I can only imagine the level of grind required to get all the achievements for the game. There’s a multiplayer mode too so, you can insult people all over the world who are presumably trying to shoe-horn Monty Python based components into their insults and gripping their controller in ever more impotent rage when the final bit of insult doesn’t come up and you end up accusing someone’s mother of being your cousin’s car or other nonsensical gibberish.
The up-shot of all this, is if you are bored and looking for something cheap that will kill some time. Go for a walk, it’s better for you, you might see something interesting on a walk, meet the love of your life, see some road kill or some sheep in a nearby field. So, if you’re bored and not sure what to do, go for a walk, it’s better than Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator. Go for a walk, even if it’s a category 5 hurricaine outside.