HERROW PUNY WESTERN INFIDEWS!
You fought I was dead, but you are wong! I am tired of being portwayed as evil badguy dictator and so I have faked my deaf and gone into hiding in ma Centwal Wondon Hideowt!
Big news in Wondon this week is wimblewodeon… Wimbwedon… Tennis! I pwayed tennis wiv Woger Fedewerer wonce, beat the siwwy, neutral, cow farming son of a miwk maid in stwaight sets. He didn’t so much as score a point the woser. After I handed Feds his bitch ass, I then pwayed gowf with Wee Westwood. I beat him too, twenty six under par! He was wubbish! I cwimbed Everwest with Bwian Bwessed and Pwayed in goal for the Mighty North Korea in a football match against Bwazil! We won that too, I saved 3 Pens! Not bad for an afternoon!
Wadies tennis is wubbish! Watching to sweaty manish bwutes with wegs the size of twee twunks does not appeal to me in a sexual way! Wingere tennis with pwoper models! That would get the viewers in not watching someone with an ass the size of a woutemaster and arms bigger than mine hit 7 bells out of a gween furwy bastawd. Use a sponge baww, get pwenty of wube out there and throw in some sort of paddwing poow! While we’re at it repwace the wackets with double ended diwdos! That’s the future of tennis people!
I wike tennis as much as the next Dictator, but I can’t hewp but feel as though there could be more of an element of Pewil! Swap the ball for a hand gwenade, spice it up a bit… Ewectrify the twamlines! I will twy and get down to Wimbedwo…South West Wondon to watch the tennis and take in some Stwarbewwies and Cweam. Don’t twy and find me though, I wiwl be wearing my favouwite Cwiff Wichard disguise! YOU NEVER FIND ME!
FUCK YOU WESTERN PUPPETS!