Editors Blog: Kim Jong Il Goes to Grastonbry


Prease arrow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealf and taste!  Dats wight fuckers, I’ve been to Grastonbry, wiv 150,000 of you!  Dis kind of decadence would never be arrowed if I was in charge!

When I was wan Nowth Kowea the onry time I gavvered that many peopre into a fiewd when I was in chawge was a concen-fucking-twation camp!

Dat being said though I was totarry fuckin wasted!  Some of the shit that gones on there is amazing!  Stirw!  Stirw, I wetired to Bwitain to wewax and enjow mysewf, so I twy to brend in with you douche bags and I fucking wove it!

I wovved seeing the Wolling Stones!  It’s nice dat people who awe older than I am can stir get work.  Of couwse dis isn’t da fiwst time I seen dem.  I had dem pray a secwet gig in Pyongyang for me in 1976.  Jagger was a skinny foor den and he a skinny foor now!  Keif Wichards rooked rike he needed his fuckin bed!  Seriousry Wichards is nearry 70 and he rooked evewy inch a 90 year ord cwipple!  He has fucked himsewf up Royawwy in his time, compawed to my youthfuw looks he has nothing!  I am 72 and dey tell me I rook 25!  I am one sexy dictator bastard!

Substance abuse is bad peopwe!  You don’t get to be a sexy man wike me unwess you keep kween!  Say no to dwugs!  Hookers is where I had my fun… I say hookers, I nevew actuawwy pay dem!  I get army guys to go find some sexy wady and bwing dem to my pawace! Of cowse you western pwudes said I was abusing my power and taking advantage… FUCK YOU… I am a famiwy man, and my actual 5 kids and numerwous ovver kids wiv stwangers keep my seed arive!

I Spend de next week watching cwicket!  I prayed cwicket in Nowth Kowea once, I wasn’t arrowed to pray anymowe.  I was too good! I scowe hundweds of wuns and day say to me… “Kim… You too good, you make over prayers feer bad!”  I was not a happy dictator. I had da whole team gassed and the pitch turned into twactor factowy, I showed them who was boss!  We don’t pway Cwicket in Kowea any mowe.  Nobody carrs me Kim, its Supweme Reader to you ass hores okay! SUPWEME READER!







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