I have been back in hospital for tests again recently and it inspired me to write this blog about WebMD. Do you know it? It is basically porn for the hypochondriacs of this world. Once you are on the site it’s impossible not to think that you are one of the following: getting ill/dying already/already dead and buried. I click on the telephone app, which is conveniently located on my home screen by the way. I have searched everything from “I get goosebumps” to “genuine life reverse aging disease” to “can I be going through the menopause/why do I have more hot flushes than Gary Glitter in a schoolyard.”
You can imagine how hazardous this game gets to be when I’ve been waiting over a year for a diagnosis only to be told they can not say for certain as there is currently no conclusive test they can perform – bummer eh?
As per my mother’s total insistence that I venture over for my appointment at what she lovingly refers to as “the NSH,” more in the main known as NHS, or National Health Service. The consultant I have been seeing sent me to get some more tests done at the local hospital, which is where the real fun started. After sitting in a waiting room that smelled like piss, cabbages, & morbid despair for 4 hours, I was finally taken through to a cubicle. The alarmingly young nurse then proceeded to administer my IV insertion, which by the way took eleven tries to insert the needle! That’s right folks, five pokes across both arms that led not to my veins, but brought tears to my eyes instead.
When I was finally brought into the CT scanning room, I was notified they would be putting a liquid into my IV that I was told would make me feel like I wet in my pants. Lucky for me, and the lab technician, I did not pee my pants but was pretty spaced out! I felt a wave of heat and anxiety come over me as the walls of the machine began to cave in. Yeah, has been an interesting time…