There’s a 91%* chance your grandparents live in Bournemouth. I know this because I see them and all of their retiree friends causing trouble around town (especially the arcades!). It’s like the city is a giant Ethel Austin’s and the elderly population of Britian has decided to go and try the early bird specials. Don’t get me wrong, I adore the elderly**- something about their ever so distinctive smell is endearing to me. That all too familiar scent of Chanel number 5 (cabbages) and cough drops always signals that I’ve arrived in the town. Because the only thing there more numerous than tea shops is retirement communities, I feel like my life is an extended AgeUK advertisement when I’m there. You know that bit from the commercial where that precious old lady falls for no apparent reason and then narrates her predicament to the audience by saying, “Help, I’ve fallen and can’t get up!” Yeah, that’s like the unofficial Bournmouth motto.
* Statistics are not real, but they do add some pizzazz to this story!
**I really do love old people, just not sure I want to be one!