Editors Blog: Kim Jong Il Goes to Grastonbry

Kim Jong Il July 3, 2013 0
Editors Blog: Kim Jong Il Goes to Grastonbry

HERROW PUNY WESTERN INFIDEWS!

Prease arrow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealf and taste!  Dats wight fuckers, I’ve been to Grastonbry, wiv 150,000 of you!  Dis kind of decadence would never be arrowed if I was in charge!

When I was wan Nowth Kowea the onry time I gavvered that many peopre into a fiewd when I was in chawge was a concen-fucking-twation camp!

Dat being said though I was totarry fuckin wasted!  Some of the shit that gones on there is amazing!  Stirw!  Stirw, I wetired to Bwitain to wewax and enjow mysewf, so I twy to brend in with you douche bags and I fucking wove it!

I wovved seeing the Wolling Stones!  It’s nice dat people who awe older than I am can stir get work.  Of couwse dis isn’t da fiwst time I seen dem.  I had dem pray a secwet gig in Pyongyang for me in 1976.  Jagger was a skinny foor den and he a skinny foor now!  Keif Wichards rooked rike he needed his fuckin bed!  Seriousry Wichards is nearry 70 and he rooked evewy inch a 90 year ord cwipple!  He has fucked himsewf up Royawwy in his time, compawed to my youthfuw looks he has nothing!  I am 72 and dey tell me I rook 25!  I am one sexy dictator bastard!

Substance abuse is bad peopwe!  You don’t get to be a sexy man wike me unwess you keep kween!  Say no to dwugs!  Hookers is where I had my fun… I say hookers, I nevew actuawwy pay dem!  I get army guys to go find some sexy wady and bwing dem to my pawace! Of cowse you western pwudes said I was abusing my power and taking advantage… FUCK YOU… I am a famiwy man, and my actual 5 kids and numerwous ovver kids wiv stwangers keep my seed arive!

I Spend de next week watching cwicket!  I prayed cwicket in Nowth Kowea once, I wasn’t arrowed to pray anymowe.  I was too good! I scowe hundweds of wuns and day say to me… “Kim… You too good, you make over prayers feer bad!”  I was not a happy dictator. I had da whole team gassed and the pitch turned into twactor factowy, I showed them who was boss!  We don’t pway Cwicket in Kowea any mowe.  Nobody carrs me Kim, its Supweme Reader to you ass hores okay! SUPWEME READER!

FUCK YOU WESTERN PUPPETS!

Rovingly,

Kim

 

 

 

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